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It kind of weird that I can back to blog in my thought since nowadays ppl like to post it in a Facebook their though. Perhaps I just need some place private space to throw my thought without any ppl comment.
I saw this advertisement about starhub (happy everywhere).. Saw this scene where three guys were holding a board each in the mid of orchard, and on the board it wrote (free hug).. It trigger me off, when was the last time that we really hug or being hug by someone whole heartedly.. As we grow older, we lost ourself to the environment.. We are afraid of showing our own feeling, afraid of getting hurt. We try tract like other just to fit ourself into the group. I realize that I need a hug, a friendship hug badly that y I fall in love with my bear (although there no heartbeat or warm in the bear hug) but it kindly of calm me down when I need a hug badly..
It not easy to speak up to close friends. It not because i change, it because i care and afraid that i might lose them or they might look down on me when i tell them my thought. Afraid that they think I change and hence drift farer from me. But good thing I got this blog where I can just throw my though in.
I tender my resignation today.. There a mixed feeling in me, and I badly need a Friend to accompany me to share my though. I send a few message asking them, but it wasn't any fault of them that all of they cannot meet me.. It was too last minutes. End up, I took a long long bus ride home (approx 3 hour and 30 min) with my mp3 playing my favorite radio station. A wave of thought keep flooding into my mind, there wasn't any answer to my thought,, perhaps I feel better if some question is better to left unanswered.
everthing in a mess.. one thing after another.. not sure how long more can my mental last.. tired everyday to work.. how i wish thing could end soon.. one mistake after another.. when did i start hating this job? i lost count of it.. it a drag to appear to be good and enjoying when the truth is that it not.. sep, can u kindly arrive fast.. it might be a new begining for mi.. cause the thought of it will start working on sep..
my mind and my life seem to be in a mes.. i really don't know what the meaning of my life.. everything i do seem like a wrong thing/action. living on a meaningless life.. the thouht of a full stop to my life has cross my mind several times.. and i don't closing the chapter and never open it again.. really worn out.. i really lose, to myself, everyone and fate.. i toally give up.. can i close the chapter now?? please..
Hate today.. Semm to get out from the wrong side of the bed. Everythinseem so wrong.
Hate it when she said 'can u wait till I came back and open it then' if u use a nicer tone, maybe thing will not turn out this way. Anyway I just open what ever letter that i need. The rest that i might not be so site, i just leave it back to you. Plus u always just use a pen knife and open the letter without looking at the content of the letter. So what different does it make for u to open and mi to open. U are just power hungry and want ppl to respect u.. But let mi tell u, i don't respect u at all!!!!
and i choose to ignore u cause i don't wanna start a quarrel with u.. If i open my mouth. Thing might be different then what we use to be. Anyway, what u said are right.when thing happen and cause the strain between us, thing will nv go back to the same square
that we use to be. And that is, thing had change and we are not going back to the usually friend that we use to be
we are just colleagues now till i quit.
My bestie said something that hurt me too. Maybe i was being over sensitive, but that me. She said actually she want to create one. But from the time she told mi till the time i create, there a 2 hour to 3 hour gap. If u want to create the event, u would have done it between that 3 hour gap and not comment when i create it. And yes, i accidently put it public, but it was a accident
y must u comment that i put public and said that if i don't know how to make it private, then delete it. U should have tell mi how to do instead of telling mi to delete it right!!!!
Argh!!! Everything is just not right. Just need a breathe of the fresh air!!! Waiting for lunch time to go out and relax before back to work after lunch!! Endure another 10 min to go out and relax and another 4 hour plus to finish work..
Feel like a lost child. Not sure what I want and where I want to go. Sometime, I just feel like talking to someone. But my mind went blank the moment I think of name to look for I just feel like crying out loud. But I will not allow my tears to fall infrint of friend. But I not sure of myself and my confident level to manage my own life. I don't have a direction at all. Everyone around me seem to know what they want, where they want to go. The gaps between us is getting bigger and bigger. Reading each other thought seem to be v far away. Can anyone tell me what to do? Where should I be heading to.
mind was in a mess, that y i decided to a long bus back home to pounder about thing. But the more free time i had to pounder, the more scared i am.
I once had a convesation with my friends, talking about baby being born and those thing like puting a pack of things on their heart. She mention that was because when we were born, we were secured in our mother womb with full protection, but when the baby was being remove from the womb, they had no protection on their surrounding, that y they are easily scared. I keep thinking abt it, was that the reason y i must always have my quit when i was sleeping. Cause it make mi feel safe in it. Was it really true? What has scared me that cause sure a must for me?
The promise that we make, the thing that you use to said. It no longer hold. It totally different. Maybe you and i change. maybe i becoming more pretty or jelouse about your life.
As the bus journey goes on, it had travel to some part of singapore that hold memories, about everything i had in my past life. Joy, Tears Happaniess & Sadness. I thought i had forgotten it. Nope, i just hide it. The childhood memories when i was a kid. Hope it not a hinder as i grow.
the bus rode pass to geland serai. I feel like going down and buy some great food. The first time i came was with 'Cynthia'. It was quite an eye open for me.. Great food, great thing to walk around and nice lightening.
Then i came to enous, the place that we want to get something and that our driving licence... But i think that not coming true within this coming year. Or maybe it has been long forgetten..
At last i arrive to the hougang interchange. I saw my ex colleague. It was a great short talk with her.
A day with all mixed feeeling within it. How great can it be. but who to share beside the beauty of internet..
We change.. Maybe that y, the feeling is different. We can no longer tolerate certain childish action that each other display. Maybe we not the childish kid or innocent kid. Maybe the surrounding friends we knew change the level of tolerate level we had. That y the feeling is different, it different. We no longer the kid we had use to be..
