Wednesday, January 12, 2011
>If i said that i wis i were dead.. would anyone believe. I thought at least there someone who know me well enough . But i was wrong.. I was all alone all along. I am totally sick and tired of the mess i make to my life. Funnt thing is i had quarrel.. When i feel angry, i blame myself. Now i know y people drink to get drunk. It not because they were sad, But becuase they blame themselves for thing that happen and the feeling it reallu unbearable. Drinking can really lighten it up alot. I try it and guess what, it really feel great.. Guess we never comment thing till we really into that situance. I hate quarrel because when i am firece, i afraid that the other party get more firece, or even when i'm firece and the other party is timid, i felt sorry for them. Wired isn't it. Sometime i knew people were taking advantage of mi but you think that i don't wanna voice out? i just scared. Cause i am all alone. I only blame myself for being so timid
I been so independent when i was as young as 14. I rely on myself for what ever decision in my life. But now i'm really tired. I just want someone to make decision for mi. My friend said that i'm still so childish and don't even know how to plan out my life. I never had someone to rely on.. i just want to have it to feel it. I'm jelouse that people can have the chance to taste it.
Ready to hand it in???? ready to leave everything behind and explore a new world??? i crave for it since there nothing for mi to worry, but i am afraid. cause i'm all alone without my friend. Family? forget about it.
My parent taught mi not to trust stranger. Th enviroment taught mi to trust nobody but myself. My self confident taught mi not to trust anyone. Who can i trust??? I don't even believe in myself.
