Tuesday, January 15, 2008
>who am i now? i am not sure either.. Love ? Trust? Faith? I no longer believe in it anymore... I have drawn a shield from it.. to prevent myself from hurt? or i have choose to turn cold blooded? or is it because i still could not find out y i am living for? what my strong point and my weak point... i don't even know..
what the use of working so hard? One day, we will all drop dead and be put lying in a coffin and get burn away by fire into ash.. life is so fragile.... one mintues a person can be healthy, any other mintues they are gone... I had enough of all this thing and all this news...
Friday, January 04, 2008
>Everyone of us are human.. everyone of us has feeling.. i am also a human, i am also a ordinary child.. sometime, i still need my parent attention.. my past exam i score 60 plus.. after that i really study hard and i improve to 78 mark... my friend improve from 70 to 75. my teacher was like so happy that she improve. i really try very hard...but y can't my teacher notice it.. and when ever i free, sometime, i help my mum to clean up the house.. and she never said anything.. when my brother or sister help out, mu mum will make a comment or notice it.. y god? i also a human, a child... a ordinary child.. even if i look strong on the front, but every human has a weak side.. i also need people to priase or encourage mi to keep mi going.. i need attention too.. last sat.. it was raining cat and dogs.. i did something stupid just to get my parent attention.. i too a ride in my bike and got myself drench.. rode for about 1 hour to 2.. then i return home, it was empty, with only 4 walls... i switch on the air con.. hoping to get sick and seek my parent attention.. and guess what.. my parent did not even realise that i rode a bike in the rain.. they did not even notice that i am sick.. they thought that i catch a cold because the air con was too cold.. great! ! guess i wasn't that important after all.. people always said that without 1 person in the family, it will be different... but they don't know that it did not apply to all family... not at all..
if i were to be gone... 5 years down the road, how many people will ever remember that i exist in this world before?
>what has happen to the innocent part of mi.. the angel part.. the one which always smile without any worry.. the one which never thought of any bad thing or trying to hurt other.. Life is like a games.. each of us are like the character in the game.... in the process of growing up, we will learn new skills.. and when the memory is full, u will Have to give up a old skills to learn new skills.. have i given up the innocent part of mi and start to learn to be a devil.. or i start losing trust in everyone and already start building up a wall or shield to protect myself from getting hurt..can i still be a angel? can i still be as free as a bird? can i can believe in trust? can i still be happy always? hope so ba...
>Last day of 2007 year, first day of 2008 year.. I spent it ay Pula Ubin.. i decided to go there because i want some quiet.. thw whole day i cycle around and the best part of all was that i went to the top of the viewing tower at check Jawa.. It was really a nice and beautiful sight from above.. i can see the whole forest, sea and bird from the top.. i really wanna stay there if possible.. and enjoy the sight there everyday.. but good thing will always have to come to the end...
i was always lying to myself.. i thought that i have got over it.. i thought it will be all right.. But what happen ? I ended up with my eyes fill up with tears whole day.. i cried on the way home, to work and the way home from work.. 2008? First day of the new year.. down with a fever, bad luck and lots of tears involve.. what could be better then first day of new year..
At the top of the tower, i remember that my friend once ask mi what will my dream house be... I answer that my dream house is a house near the sea where i can see the wave and feel the breeze everyday.. and my house roof top is made of glass. and from my bedroom, when i laid down, i can see the sky from the glass panel roof top.. the beautiful star that are above me with bird flying high and free..
