Monday, September 27, 2010
>Monday morning (9.41am 27 Sep)
It monday Blue again.. Back in office after a slack weekend. Friday nite, i have alot of fun with friends.. Drink drink drink.. The fun and laughter we had was like never before.. Sat night.. another round of fun.. Drink drink drink.. that was abit quiet then friday but still fun.
However, sunday i drop dead on bed whole day.. Tired to the max.. cause we ended our drinking at 3 plus and slack there to wait for sockto finsh drinking with friend... reach home at 4.. But the music and drinking really fun..
Tonight it Joon hui birthday,, another round of drinking again.. lol.. Timber at art house.. Never been there before.. But htink it going to be cool... drink drank drunk.. lol.. cannot wait till 5.30pm.. Where my fun will start again..
Really hate going work.. Not that i hate the work place or people in it.. But just hate it.. No motivation to work on.. Nothing to struck for.. People work hard for family and position.. But i see nothing for mi to work for.. No room for position.. Family? not to mention.. what more to work for..
Like a empty shell.. like nice on the outside but empty on the inside.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
>Wed 22 sep.
Another normal wed. yesterday was crappy.. had a light argurment with my boss but i still did the market list to what he want after work.. kind of went slacking during work.. hate being in office so decided to go out and breath fresh air.. slack for about 1 hour and 15 min. wanted to talk to someone but i guess music is the only person i thought of. Music speak it all.
Sometime i think my boss only speak but no action. He success in speaking but no action to be done. He only push it to other to do it. Most of the time gone from office to smoke or slack i not very sure.
Y can he do it and yet so fucking successful. and i guess he pay is quite high too.. No motivation to work. Kind of planing to slack everyday.
In this world, first of all. know nothing is better then everything. Secondly, keep your mouth shut unless you want to do the job of correction. Thirdly, mind your own business. forthly, never let people see how little thing you had to do.. always prentend that you are busy with all the work. take your time to find the job. drag it the longer the possible.. lastly, always cc someone in your email, or keep that crap email in cause the other party lie. at least there supporting document or evidence. THAT THE RULE OF OFFICE JOB.. remember it well and you will success very well in office.
Time to go drag my work.
Monday, September 20, 2010
>another plain day.. just wanna do someting to get my mind off him.. Y do i have to be so unlucky to come across his photo.. I tought i get over him but i haven.. i am just lying to myself all this while..
Plain monday.. thought my friend could help mi get him out of my mind.. but she not free today.. guess it time i depend on my own. plan to listen to music all the way from start of work till end.. from the bus journey back home.. need time to clear my mind and soul.. once i reach home, i will start watching a comedy vcd which i just bought.. Hope that it will cheer mi up.. plus i was late on meeting my friend today in the morning.. I really did blame myself hard..
Really hope tml will be a better day.. but firstly i have to get through today.. trying my best now.. time to work!!!
>did you have people in your lifw that support you.. be there for you..
did you have people who are proud of you when yo u done something great or achieve something..
do you have people who are proud to said that that my daughter.
i never.. i just wanna to do something that people will be proud of.. people will said 'wow' you did it, or really admire you.. but i screw up everything.. everything in my life. Cannot even pass simple test, cannot success in everything in life..
i just want it all but it only appear in my dream.. it all a dream.. no achievement, nothing expect a screw up life..
Sunday, September 19, 2010
>I was born with on one to bother about mi.. Being throw from one location to another (which is my thinking) was hard enough for mi to accept. i try to throw away this thinking... pretending hard to be happy and i had success. till he came along. he taught mi to open out and learn to speak. but before i master it, he leave. it really hurt.. it hurt really deep that i decided to shut it and double lock my life and my thought.
I admit that i was really jelouse of everyone around mi, their life, the attention they had, the love they got and attract..
i am really tired of pretending.. sorry if anyone of you find changes in mi. but the truth it that the real mi. i had to fight for thing in my life, believeing that no one will bother about mi even myself. i really hate myself to the core seriously. i am selfish. because my world only contain myself and mi. even when it come about money, feeling and thought. I keep it all to myself, cause i was afraid of getting hurt. i wanted hard for attention, i wanted hard for peopke to think that i am popular. but thought of selfishness never leave mi
One day, my friend will have a family and love one to care about. I will be lonely again.. that the truth that i am afraid of. but i knew i got to face it. that was y i perfer to be alone most of the time. cause i wanna get use to it first.. wanna numb my feeling before in face the truth. i don;t wanna cry anymore but i cannot stop the tear..
god, please help mi.. please...
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
>Need a place to vent my anger out. super piss off!!!!!
i hate people ordering mi around. Who the hell you think you are???? don't order mi around when you don't even deserve my respect. if you ever want to comment on my timing.. Look at your first before you comment on my. You are far more worst then mi. Bastard!! you just like to control people, and when people don't listen to you or respect you, you play pattern. Bastard, it my LIFE. not your.. Don't control my life or order mi around cause no one on this fucking earth can do it!!! you act like a angel but the fact is you are not!! STOP PRETENDING!! ASSHOLE!!
STOP LYING!!! you said there was incentive but there wasn't at all.. What the fucking use of working so darn fucking hard. You knew if there nothing to look forward to, then poeple will not work hard. that y you make up this thing. But only a group of people are elligable for it. Not sure if you were trying to trick us or you really not sure. But this has prove that you are not that innocent or truthful as i thought you were Great, you use mi to finish up your task. Great for you. You did it!! you have success..
Time to be devil!!! no more believing that this world has angel. because we are all standing at the DARK side of a human world. only yourselves to trust..
