Friday, December 28, 2007
>'Last Christmas, i gave you my heart. and the very next day, you gave it away' sound like my story right?.. maybe that y i fall in love with it the mintues i heard it. this christmas, the best gift i had is not the gift i recieve or the value or the gift.. But it the time which everyone spend with mi the evening and night.. really grateful to everyone.. sometime, i agree that my lokes are really lame and stupid.. or sometime, i said thing too fast and might hurt you all... but really thank that u all did not bear any grudge against mi.. i really had alot of fun on 26 dec evening.. really enjoy it.. had abit of drink and went back home headache.. but that the only day i fall asleep fast and sweetly, and a day which i never drop any tear to get myself to sleep..
but i realise that i hate to have a whole day free.. i felt very uneasy when i wake up, maybe because there nothing to do ba plus slient in the whole house and my phone.. i really have to get use to it.. i really wish to go somewhere where i can find the old adeline again.. i wanna fall asleep and dream of my fairyland again, and be a happy person again.. someone who is not easily defeated by reality..
People always told mi that it will not work for us.. my friend all agree that i should not put in so much time in it.. but i believe in myself, i believe that i will get what i sow.. as long as i put in effort, thing will work out fine.. But i was too innocent, too stupid.. i should have trust everyone.. and now i regret.. sometime, you don't really get what u sow.. i learn not to put in too much effort and expectation in thing.. cause i am too fragile.. i am really afraid of getting hurt again.. i don't wanna get hurt again, i don't wanna drop any tear again.. i wanna my old life back.. but can i still find it? i don't know.. and i doubt so.. because everyone change as time goes by... even my family.. i started to find my enviroment unfamilar.. it seem so strange around mi.. everyone seem so stranger so far away...
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
>I dream of a simple living. Just a day where all my family can sit down and enjoy a movie together. A day where all my friends will be free to go out shopping and slack whold day at coffee bean or starbuck for a drink with no worry or not rushing off somewhere after that. A day where i can without any worry, A day where i will be surrounded by my love one whole day. A day where there will not be any years involve. A simple wish by a simple girl for this simple white christmas.
>I hate firework now. Last time i use to love it, i will get excited and specially happy when i see it..but now, maybe not... Y do good thing have to come to the end? Y can't it just last forever.. Just like school, i love school cause it a time when i being with friends and had fun.. But the moment the bell rang.. it all over.. Walking out alone sometime, waiting for bus alone, taking bus alone.. Alone at home, alone in my room.. silent after school.... i never hate holiday because it a time where i can rest and had fun.. But now? yes... i hate it.. really hate it... Trying hard to work every single day so that all my day will be occupied and reach back home tired and worn out.. then i can stright away fall asleep.. this way i will be busy and also will not have any problem to fall asleep.. i know that not a good idea.. but that my only choice for getting myself tired... at least i still can earn some money..
>i met this friend of my on a bus to work few days ago... we yalk about alot of thing.. cannot remember much of it.. but when i was about to board down the bus, she suddenly ask me, 'do you think that u had been take for granted.' i simply look back at her, smile and reply ' that life.. ppl will not know that they need u till they lost u... then they will start to learn that u are important..' but when i board down the bus, i was really wondering that is it really true..
there this occasion where i started to go watvh a movie on my very own... it was meant to be a comdey show.. the whole theater was lauging away.. i was the only one not laughing at all.. is it beacuse i don't get use to watching movie alone? or is it beacuse a person will only be true to themselves when they are alone? or i already lost the happy part of it? don't ask mi... cause i don't know the answer at all too...
Saturday, December 01, 2007
>Dear Diary....
I would describe myself as' han xu ca' on very shy plant.. everytime i try to open up myself, i ended up being hurt.. think maybe i should not put in too much effort in things.. so i will not be able to get hurt again.. i hate myself... never seem to do thing right.. i try to be a good child in school.. help teacher do this and that.. but when teacher lost their thing, they put the blame on mi althought my friend all said that it wasn't me... i thought i earn trust in ppl... But it all turn out that i was just bluffing myself... i try my best in everything, but it never turn out the result i want.. it just turn worst for mi... then maybe i should not put in any effort at all.. ppl said life IS NOT ALWAYS FAIR.. but life HAD NOT BEEM FAIR for mi... it really tired... i am really tired of trying my best.. wish that i could close my eyes and never wake up... haha.. really looking forward to going malaysia... somewhere i can relax and get away from all these thing.. maybe i will feel better.. and when ppl said promise.. i hate it.. cause alot of sadness and regret come from promise... and to me, promise are just mean to be broken and to be kept forever... not at all anymore...
